The fear of wildfires. Since becoming a mother, I’ve been thinking about the future a lot more than I used to. In December of 2021, the Marshall Fires ignited fourteen miles away from my house. Since then, I have had an exceptionally strong desire, bordering on compulsion, to check the weather forecast. How much rain or snow will we get this week? What are the wind conditions like?

I am afraid of having my home burn down. I fear having to drop everything and run. This past winter, 2025 going into 2026, has been one of the worst recorded droughts in Colorado history. Every week since last November, I’ve received red flag warnings on my phone. There have already been several fires this year that have broken out along the front range. For three months, I had two go-bags packed and stowed in our car trunk along with photo albums, special books, and some other sentimental valuables. When they weren’t in the car, I kept them by the door. Now, I’ve relented a bit and taken some clothes out of them. But the fear remains.

I wonder what is going to happen this summer in Colorado? Will our state burn down? Will my daughter be able to play outside? Or will the haze from smoke particles prevent normal childhood activities? Do I need to purchase an air purifier because we have a swamp cooler (which pulls in exterior air) in our house instead of central air? These questions buzz in my mind constantly with no relief.

I talk to Eric frequently about moving to the upper Midwest. Michigan, ideally. Is it feasible? Maybe. Is it something we’re going to do? Not anytime soon. Probably never. We have too many friends here, and our immediate families live here. Yet I am compelled to browse Zillow for houses and dream about living somewhere where I won’t have to worry about water supply in the future. I’d take on extreme cold winters over fire and drought any day.

“The emotional toll of wildfires can be profound, leaving scars that linger long after the flames have been extinguished.” — Jennifer Balch

The Road So Far

The new year started out well, better than last year, in which we had to install an entirely new sewage line at our house in late January! So this year is looking pretty decent. I celebrated a quiet New Year at home. I celebrated my birthday with friends, and then Eric’s birthday, the Lunar New Year, and Valentine’s Day.

I took my daughter to the National Western Stock Show, which is hosted every year in Denver. It was my first time attending, and I was amazed at the number of events showcased, how many vendors there were, and the overall size of the event. When my daughter is a little older, we’d love to go again and be able to go for an entire day or a couple of days.

At the end of January, I decided to complete my CompTIA Security+ certification. I purchased an exam voucher last year with the idea that I would complete it over the summer…which didn’t happen so then it was to complete it before the holidays, which also didn’t happen. So, I found myself in January with the motivation to better myself for my corporate career.

I have studied for this exam on and off over the past two years. I’m ready for it to be off my plate, and the voucher expires in mid-May, which means I need to get my butt in gear.

So far, studying has been one of the most difficult tasks I could ever imagine. I caught a cold, which disrupted everything for a week in February. Then, after completing the study materials, I realized this exam is a lot more technical than I first thought and that I wasn’t ready to take it. Every night after my daughter goes to bed, I’ve been going over all the material from square one. I’m old-school and hand-write all my notes. I’m re-writing them, I’m re-reading them, and I’m using flashcards, and two course practice books. My headaches constantly, my eyes are strained, and I’m really tired of being on a screen for the almost the entire day.

I hope to take this exam in the next 2 weeks at the end of April. I’ve literally had to move the exam about 10x now due to the complete chaos unfolding in my life since mid-February. Wish me luck 😭.

My friend Erica was able to come for a brief, much-needed visit at the end of February. We had a play date for my daughter with some friends. I take her to the library as often as possible, and we continue our swim lessons.

What started off as a good year deteriorated in early March. My in-laws spend the first few months each year snow-birding it down in Florida (although Colorado, incidentally, was WARMER than it was in Florida for the majority of the winter). They own a house down there and have family on my MIL’s side living nearby. I think I’ve mentioned it, maybe, in a few of my older posts, but my FIL was diagnosed with a lung disease three years ago.

My MIL notified Eric and I that my FIL was in the ICU on March 7th, on a ventilator machine. By the end of March, we had to make a last-minute flight to Florida to say our goodbyes as we took him off the ventilator support. It breaks my heart that he is no longer with us. The grief comes and goes in waves. To me, it doesn’t feel like he is dead.

He just walked out of the room and I keep expecting him to…reappear.

I can hear his voice clearly in my head.

My FIL was one of a kind. I’m lucky to have had him in my life for the last nine years. We were close, and he was a wonderful grandfather, so excited to have a granddaughter in his life! He was always kind, had a great sense of humor, and maintained an incredible intellectual curiosity for life. Astronomy was his passion, to the extent that he built his own telescope and observatory in the backyard! He ran an astronomy club in Rocky Mountain National Park. And I’ll never forget seeing the total eclipse of the sun through his telescope back in 2017. He served in the Army and then had a successful career as a mechanical engineer. He lived his life the way he wanted to live. I love him. I miss him.

Rest in Peace.

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Henry Scott-Holland. “Death Is Nothing At All.”

Life keeps going, and the world seems smaller. Darker. The brightest light for me right now, and our family in general, is my daughter.

She is a year and half old now! She’s walking, running, climbing, and talking as much as she can. She’s in full toddler-mode complete with tantrums if she doesn’t get her wish or if something takes too long. I feel bad laughing, but sometimes it’s just so funny what sets her off. In general she’s a happy girl and I am filled with gratitude for our life. She loves animals, reading books, dancing, and going to the library. When we were in Florida we had the opportunity to go to the pool and the beach! Oh how she loved it! And those swim lessons already paid off. She’s very comfortable in the water, even with the waves at the beach.

What Else?

I overhauled my photography website. I added more of my portraiture work, as well as real estate work I’ve done at three properties. Over the years, I’ve done work for friends and family: Professional headshots, maternity, family photos, engagement sessions, even a wedding…but I don’t want to do weddings specifically. I want to have a solid side-business as well as a backup plan if I’m apart of layoffs in the future. It’s happened to me three times already, so at this point I’d rather be prepared. I hope that won’t be the case.

My next steps are to organize more social media posts on Instagram. UGH. I haven’t had Instagram since my birthday celebration in January, since I needed a break and also needed to focus on my exam rather than scrolling through funny cat videos 😅.

I attended my first protest/march while down in Florida. I had been planning to attend locally in Colorado. I’m surprised I was still able to join, it worked out well timing wise. The No Kings Marches are well organized, and make it accessible for more people to join. Back in the “old days” you had to make the time and effort to travel to DC or find a University campus to protest at. I’m proud to utilize my right for peaceful protesting. I was amazed at the crowd I was with in Florida and I’m happy to hear how big the movement was across the entire country.

What I’ve Been Writing

I’ve been able to participate more consistently in the Writer’s Critique Group that I’m a part of. The other girls in the group are wonderful. Everyone is talented and has a unique voice for their stories. I’m in awe to be able to work with them. I’ve been sharing my first draft of The Red String of Fate novel since we started two years ago. I’m down to sharing the last three chapters of my book, and after that, I can begin the editing process. And man, that’s the hard part! However, I think it’s going to go smoothly. I’m just bursting at the seams to get to work now that I’ve gained so much feedback from the group! I have a lot to think about and a lot to improve on, naturally, since it was the first draft. The biggest challenge will be carving out time to sit and write once my exam is over and after our vacation this summer. Life keeps moving along.

Favorite Reads

I have built a library for my daughter, mostly from my own childhood books. Over the years I’ve been picking up new ones that I would like her to read, and that I myself desire to read. With the political storm underway over the past year, I think it’s vital to read about history. Education is everything. Having the motivation to better oneself is crucial.

Furthermore, I think it’s important to have physical materials like books, DVDs, CDs, cassettes, etc., and enjoy the mechanical process with something as simple as turning a paper page between your fingers.

These three books were my top reads since the beginning of the year. All of them were tragic and solemn, they were SO well written and engaging. I’m glad I read them even though I cried. A Long Walk to Water was particularly fascinating as it is based on a true story. All three of these books were easy to read and took less than a few days each.

Next

My goal for the rest of 2026 is to complete a second draft of The Red String of Fate. I’m not going to take on more than that since motherhood, work, and life keep me busy! If I achieve this goal then I will be so stoked!

Eric and I decided to move forward with hosting our Kentucky Derby Party this year and we are organizing a big family vacation in July. More to come.

Cheers!

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

Charles Bukowski, What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire

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