One of my recent favorite classical music suites is Liebesfreud (Love’s Joy), Liebesleid (Love’s Sorrow), and Schön Rosmarin (Lovely Rosemary) by Fritz Kriesler. Specifically, I love the piano version of Liebesleid. I discovered the song while watching the anime, Your Lie in April, a Japanese romantic drama series that follows a young pianist named Kо̄sei Arima, who loses the ability to perform the piano after his mother’s death, and his experiences after he meets violinist, Kaori Miyazono. It’s one of the most beautiful animes I’ve had the pleasure of watching, both visually and through the musical score.

The names of these songs are thought-provoking. Love’s Joy. Love’s Sorrow. Love itself is described as an emotion, but it also encompasses all other emotions within it for better or worse. Without sorrow, we cannot experience the joys of love and life. Sorrow and its brothers of sadness, bitterness, and loneliness are all beautiful emotions in their own way. Even Disney released a hit movie and now sequel, Inside Out, which expresses how crucial “down” emotions are. So love, with all its ups and downs, has been a big theme for me in 2024. It’s been rough for this first six months. It feels like a roller coaster that I didn’t agree to ride, yet I have no choice but to hang on, scream bloody murder, and see where it goes. I’ve been struggling with some personal relationships, medical episodes, and financial stress. One thing comes after another with no pause or room to breathe.

The Road So Far

January

The year began with several intense medical situations. My friend’s mom passed away suddenly, another friend’s mother had a successful quadruple bypass surgery for her heart, and my Father-in-Law ended up in the ICU with an interstitial lung disease for a couple of weeks. Somewhere in between all of that, I turned 34 years old.

Originally my FIL went to the hospital for a scheduled back surgery, but subsequently encountered lung complications. We weren’t sure if he would make it or not, and it’s hard to describe the emotional trauma that comes with the fear of death. Even though it is natural and will happen, eventually, it doesn’t make grief any easier to deal with. It encourages a lot of introspective thoughts regarding my own Dad, love and loss, and what my friend might be experiencing with the sudden death of her mother. Luckily, I’m thrilled to say my FIL has recovered and has been doing well since his release.

The same day that my FIL went on a ventilator, was the day I found out that I was pregnant. I’ve gone back and forth about bringing a child into the world because of how awful the political environment is, the regression of women’s rights, and the accelerating impacts of climate change. But ultimately, Eric and I wanted a baby, so we tried for one. And succeeded on the first try! So it’s even better that my FIL will be around to see his first grandchild and spend time with her. That’s right, her!

We are having a girl! It’s amazing how quickly you can find out the sex of the baby nowadays. We’re due in early October so I’ll get the baby I wanted, a Libra/Dragon sign!

February – Early March

FIL came home from the hospital in early February and we were able to celebrate Eric’s birthday. I was a working machine the first couple weeks of being pregnant. I painted two of our downstairs bathrooms and a hallway, while I still had the energy.

And then it was gone. My toughest symptom was the fatigue. I was too tired to do anything for four weeks, other than lay in bed after work and watch TV. I did entertain myself with my favorite TV shows: Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Hotel del Luna, Midsommer Murders, and also got hooked on Doc Martin. As tiresome as it was, I am very lucky that I did not suffer from nausea during my first trimester.

Late March – April

For those of you who don’t know, Eric and I planned a trip to Japan back in 2020. And then the Coronavirus Pandemic hit, which forced us to cancel it. It was a bitter moment, not only because of how awful things would get during the pandemic but because it was where Eric planned to propose to me. So four years later, we were able to reschedule the trip and GO! This time, it would be for our Babymoon, something that in the last ten years has become increasingly popular to do before you don’t have a life anymore outside of your kid 🤣. Here is the photographic gallery of the images I took: LilyBorak.com.

We spent a wonderful 2.5 weeks out there, although a few days longer would have been nice. We flew business class for the first time, thanks to my United MileagePlus membership upgrade request. We took the direct flight from Denver, 12 hours, to Tokyo and enjoyed the better food options, amenities, and the luxury of lying flat.

• Tokyo

  There’s always so much to see in the bustling metropolis of Tokyo. During my last trip to Japan, I spent twelve days in Tokyo and still didn’t see everything I wanted to. This trip, we spent five days, but were able to see the highlights. Those included: Meiji Shrine, Sensō-ji Temple, Akihabara, afternoon tea at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, TeamLab Planets, and the Imperial Palace East Gardens.

  We attended a Zakuro Japanese Traditional Music show. We listened to traditional Japanese music as well as some modern song covers. The performers introduced their instruments such as the Japanese harp Koto, 17-string bass harp Jushichigen, Shamisen, Japanese flute Shakuhachi, and Taiko drums.

  Eric even went with my to Cafe Eorzea for Final Fantasy 14. It was a small cafe and I wish there had been more to it. There wasn’t even a lot of merchandise which I feel like was a missed opportunity by Square Enix. It was also laid out in a way that it was hard to interact with fellow people.

  Due to my pregnancy fatigue we missed going to any cool nightclubs.

• Kyoto

  Kyoto, the old capital, is my favorite city in Japan. It showcases the traditional architecture, you can see Maiko (Geisha in-training) walking around, and enjoy traditional kaiseki dining. We visited Nijo Castle, Fushimi Inari Shrine, Nishiki Market, the Kyoto International Manga Museum. The blossoms were in peak bloom when we arrived here, which was uplifting after the miss in Tokyo.

  Unfortunately, we missed out on seeing the Arashiyama Bamboo Forest, since it’s a super busy tourist destination and we couldn’t wake up early enough to beat the crowd. Sleep was more important than a lot of things at this point. Lol.

  Our favorite activity was spent renting kimono and hiring a photographer to take our portraits. We walked around the Philosopher’s Path on the east end of the city.

• Mount Yoshino

  This was the one new place for me on this vacation that I have not visited before on my previous trips. For cherry blossom season, I read that it is one of the best places to view the blossoms and I found that to be wonderfully true! Mount Yoshino (吉野山) was designated in 2004 as part of a UNESCO World Heritage Site under the name Sacred Sites and Pilgrimage Routes in the Kii Mountain Range. It has more than 30,000 sakura flowering cherry trees that were planted at different elevations.

  The walk down the mountain was amazing, but it was one of those days that we planned rather poorly as there were not a lot of dining options so we missed lunch and barely made it to our dinner reservations. It was exhausting. We also spent one day too many here. The trip could have easily been one day as there isn’t much else to do in the area. Knowing this, we would have stayed in Kyoto or Osaka for an extra night.

• Osaka & Nara

  We stayed in Osaka to take a day-trip out to Nara. In Nara we visited Todai-ji Temple, a Buddhist temple complex that was once one of the powerful Seven Great Temples. The Great Buddha Hall is the largest wooden structure in the world. When we visited inside the hall, we discovered a charity concert was being held to raise funds for the victims of a recent earthquake/tsunami further south. They had famous Japanese opera singers performing. The acoustics were incredible and the performers were wonderful. It was a treat to stumble upon.

  Outside the temple grounds, we walked through the famous Deer Park. You can buy special deer snacks and feed the sacred deer. They’re everywhere!

• Hakone

  We spent two nights at a Ryokan (traditional Japanese hotel) in Hakone, near Mt. Fuji. We ate traditional meals for breakfast and dinner, which was an interesting experience. Some of the food was great, but some of it was too exotic for my American palate. After several nights of sleeping on a futon on the floor, my back and neck were killing me. Give me a proper mattress please! The scenery was beautiful with the cherry blossoms surrounding the area and the hot springs themselves were a treat after all the walking and hustling we’d done over the course of the trip.

• Tokyo

  We spent our final night in Japan at the Tokyo Station Hotel. Originally opened in 1915, the hotel and train station are famous for surviving Great Kanto Earthquake in 1923. The hotel was beautiful and luxurious, I wish we could have spent a few more nights there.

  We ate dinner at a tiny Italian restaurant called, Ginza Italy-Tei (located at Ginza Ueichi Building, 1 Chome-6-８ 第2 Ginza, Chuo City, Tokyo 104-0061, Japan), where I had the second-best plate of linguini and clams that I’ve ever tasted! The ambience was cozy and Eric and I both enjoyed it for out last meal on vacation. I highly recommend going here for anyone who needs a meal break from Japanese food while on vacation in Tokyo.

May

We celebrated our fourth annual Kentucky Derby Party at the beginning of May. We had a great group of friends show up including a couple from out of town. The best part was how exciting the race itself was! It was the first three horse photo-finish since Jet Pilot, Phalanx, and Faultless in 1947.

A day after the party, I flew out to Virginia accompanied by my parents and friend, Erica. Our mission was to pack up the furniture in our rental property so that when it sold, we would be done with it, or if it hadn’t sold by the end of summer we could put it up as a long-term rental instead of short-term. Especially being pregnant, I wouldn’t have any other time left to go out there.

And at the end of the month, my brother and his wife spent a week visiting us from Indianapolis. It’s been over a year since their wedding, and it was good to spend time. We visited the hiking trail at Mount Falcon and downtown Golden. Then we hung out with our parents and played board games.

June

A few days before my brother and his wife left, Tsuki stopped eating. Usually, that means an upset stomach for her and clears up in a day, but this went on for a few days and we took her to the vet. Apparently, she contracted a UTI (urinary tract infection), but something else was off. We gave her antibiotics for the infection and new food that she really seemed to enjoy.

Unfortunately, she was still losing weight and when we did blood tests her protein levels were extremely low. We performed an ultrasound and ruled out kidney problems so now we’re still trying to figure out what is going on with her. There are several possibilities and we’ll likely need to get a biopsy from her intestines to keep narrowing things down. For now, we’re treating her as if she has Inflammatory Bowel Disease, which requires her to be on steroids and a prescription diet 💔.

As of being on this for twelve days, I don’t see a difference in her weight and I suspect that the steroids are not working and/or that this is not Inflammatory Bowel Disease. But we have a check-up scheduled for her on Monday, July 1st so the vet will weigh her and take another blood sample. I hope I’m wrong and that things are improving for her…

We were coming up on an orthoscopic surgery for her due to a shoulder/bicep injury she received back in February. The surgery was scheduled for June 12th, but with the sudden weight loss, that has been pushed to the end of July. So on top of all her Tsuki’s gut health issues, she’s limping on her injured leg even though the steroids make her feel good. I’m trying not to cry watching her around the house, but like I said at the beginning of this post, it’s very stressful.

Finally, our house in Virginia needs a new roof due to some wood rot in the porch and deck overhangs. Luckily, the main roof is okay for a few more years. When I visited in May, we were looking to sell the house. With the Federal interest rate sitting at 6.96% (as of June 29th), we haven’t had any luck finding a potential buyer. So now we’re saddled with the cost of the roof repair which won’t happen until the end of August and that puts us at a very odd season of buying.
Instead, I think Eric and I are going to try and find a long-term renter in the house for at least a year. We’ll see how that goes as I expect finding someone who will be interested in that remote area will be hard to find. Fingers crossed because money is definitely tight. I would rather be saving for our baby’s future college tuition than paying for a roof on a house that isn’t generating any money. Life is hard.

The last thing happening in June, this first half of the year, is Baby Shower planning. Eric and I decided to host our own baby shower at our house. Thankfully modern etiquette is more flexible than tradition which dictates that either a friend or sibling should be the one to host the party (not even parents are allowed to host!). I don’t have a sibling that lives remotely close to me nor do any of my best friends who might otherwise have thought about hosting a shower for me. Otherwise, it seems like we’re grabbing for gifts, but frankly, baby shower gifts are nice and they help a LOT.

So yes, we’re asking for gifts but by no means demanding them from our friends or family. People can choose if and how much they want to contribute. I think it’s strange not to show publicly that gifts are desired for a big occasion such as a wedding or baby shower. These are moments when people are starting a new journey in their lives. It’s okay to want extra money for the house or a new blanket or glassware set. Eric and I always give gifts to our friends. Hell, we’ve contributed to several of our friend’s Go-Fund-Me’s which are even worse occasions!

Therefore, we’re going ahead with our own baby shower. It’ll be a small all-girls event. Although Eric, my Dad, and FIL as the men-of-honor will attend for a short while. 😂 I want to go all-out with flowers and balloons! I even rented some tablecloths, chairs, and glassware to make it look like a beautiful garden party. For a few hours, we’ll have brunch and we’ll play a few silly games too. Speaking of gifts, I am proud of the thank-you gifts I’ve purchased for my guests. And above all, I’m excited to be celebrated as a first-time, mom-to-be!

Inspiration photos below:

What Else?

Back in March, I attended Lighthouse Writers first YA Lit Fest! It was a two-day workshop that focused on craft seminars and intensives, although I only attended the first day. I was able to meet a few other writers and even managed to find myself in a critique group.

My book club died as quickly as it started. In fact, my good friend, who I started the book club with, began ghosting me at the beginning of the year. She was becoming distant before that, busy with life, work, etc and I don’t fit into her life. It’s hard losing a friend who you think you are close with so abruptly. Therefore, there won’t be a book club in the foreseeable future. Perhaps I can find one through future mommy friends?

Back to the critique group, it’s made up of seven other ladies than myself and they began to meet back in April. Due to all my travel plans, I missed the first three sessions but was finally able to make it to one at the end of May. We meet every two weeks and so far, I’ve very much enjoyed it. The hardest part is learning how to give useful feedback for my fellow writers when we’re reading chapter by chapter. Ellen mentioned this to me before that she would only read completed work, and now I understand why. I would prefer to sit down and read someone’s completed work rather than jump from chapter to chapter every two weeks.

What I’ve Been Writing

I am sad to say that I have not been able to write anything since last year.

Favorite Reads

Reading & TV have been necessary respites away from life. At the beginning of the year, I started reading On China by Henry Kissenger but had to put it down after slogging through the first quarter of the book. It was BORING. Holy cow. Generally, I dislike non-fiction and that book represents exactly why. I’m disappointed when I come across an interesting topic that is delivered in the worst, flat, dry way possible. History books in particular are always a gamble for me and I’m shocked at how high the book is rated. I digress. I read through the Daughter of Smoke & Bone series. I very much enjoyed the trilogy!

Next

Reflecting back on my last post, my goals for this year were: finishing the first draft of, Nine Kingdoms; complete editing of, The Red String of Fate; and complete another editing pass over, The Tower. Boy I was ambitious! The first two goals are in-progress, even though I’ve been on hiatus with Nine Kingdoms. Now that I’m done traveling and entertaining friends/family, I’m hopeful to have more time to focus on writing. I would like to get the first draft done by end of September, before baby girl arrives. I have to remember that it doesn’t matter how rough of a draft it is, as long as it’s complete.

With that ALL of that said in my long-winded monologue, it’s just a ride.

I’ll keep riding, searching for the joy’s and sorrow’s that love brings to my heart. Here’s to a quieter second half of 2024, more writing inspiration, a healthier dog, continuing safe pregnancy, and an overall better financial situation.

Cheers!