Sitting down to write at the end of this year has been nearly impossible. There’s a loss of motivation, a loss of confidence, increased anxiety, and preparation for life changes to come next year. The ending of 2023 and the oncoming of 2024 feels like the Major Arcana tarot card, Death. Upright Death represents endings, change, transition, rebirth, and renewal. While reversed Death represents resistance to change, inner purging, and personal transformation. Both are apt descriptions for my year transition, but the upright meaning aligns more with my thoughts.

I thought I would have finished the first draft of my Nine Kingdoms books by now, but I haven’t. Instead of sitting down to write, I focused on reading, puzzles, playing video games, and watching TV. I’ve also been doing inventory management for our household belongings and finishing my blogs, such as this one. There’s always something to come along. I needed to reset myself this last quarter by doing other activities that I enjoy.

Part of me wonders why I should bother with my book? I don’t know if my writing is good enough, the book publishing market for YA is saturated, and I can’t find anyone to help critique my work or even brainstorm ideas while I work. So this last quarter has felt like an uphill battle.

But it’s okay to not finish goals and change them. I understand my thoughts and concerns are those of any artist. I also understand that in order to pursue life achievements such as this, I need to push forward. I believe my work is exciting and worth reading. And if it reaches someone who enjoys it, wonderful. So after enjoying a nice break in 2023, I will complete the Nine Kingdoms first draft here in 2024. And I will keep going until I’m published.

There is beauty in Death. It comes on silent wings, shrouded in shadow and heralding the winds of change. It brings renewal in the dawn of the new year.

The Road So Far

The end of the year was full of spiritual thought, family gatherings, and a serious lack of writing motivation. Eric and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by going to our favorite restaurant in Denver, The Odyssey. We thawed the top tier of our wedding cake, and I’m pleased to say it was just as delicious as when we had it in New Orleans! The first wedding anniversary theme is Paper. I always present Eric with a card, anyone who knows me knows that I’m a big greeting card lover, and I also folded a paper crane for him to keep on his nightstand. Although not paper-themed, I also gifted him with a wool overcoat and black leather driving gloves.

I do plan to go on a writer’s retreat at some point in the near future 😉

In November we attended my friend, Jessica’s, wedding in Cleveland, Ohio. It was our first time visiting there and we stayed with a friend for the weekend. Mad props for the Cleveland Museum of Art which was a wonderful experience for us. I really enjoyed the ancient Egypt and Japan exhibits as well as seeing the Imperial Red Cross Faberge egg. And finally the wedding itself was amazing! We had a beautiful day, a sunny day in Ohio in November (say what??)! It was exciting seeing both Katheryn and Jessica as well as all our friends from the bachelorette party back in July.

Mike’s (the groom) family is heavy Greek and Jewish. During the reception, the family initiated a traditional circle dance around Jessica and Mike that was so amazing! I had so much fun and I wish we had been able to integrate that tradition into my own wedding. I had envisioned integrating some Greek, Irish and Scottish traditional music & dance, but ultimately our reception was too short anyway. C’est la vie! I’m very happy for Jessica and Mike and wish them all the best in their marriage.

After the wedding, we had some birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and of course, New Years. The holidays are always busy! I’m thankful that we can celebrate the holidays together with both of our families as one. As I’ve done the past few years in our new house, I set up my Yule altar on the Winter Solstice and this year added sprigs from our holly bushes and pine trees. I burned sage in the house to cleanse the atmosphere and cooked a delicious pork loin roast with a butternut squash & sweet potato soup, and broccoli. Eric and I gave thanks for a blessed year and asked for the new sun to bring peace and prosperity to us in the new year. Good tidings to all!

What Else?

We saw The Boy & The Heron in theaters with my parents. It is the most amazing animated opening I’ve ever seen of any movie. The musical score was breathtaking, a true masterpiece. Unfortunately, the movie was hard to follow and seemed to have multiple storylines. I learned from this article that during the filming, Hayao Miyazaki’s partner, Takahata, died in 2018 and therefore changed the trajectory of the story through his grief. The heart of the film was beautiful though, a biopic coming of age story for Miyazaki himself with so many references to past films. It was quite a sad movie in my opinion, especially knowing that there is no successor for Studio Ghibli and that the studio is now sold to Nippon TV.

My Book Club has fizzled out. I suppose that’s to be expected of the holidays. We had to cancel November’s session and were not able to reschedule for December due to two of the other girls being out of town. I’m hopeful that January will be better? My birthday is coming up in two weeks here so maybe after that.

What I’ve Been Writing

I’m at 62,000 words with the Nine Kingdoms novel. I’ve been reworking it from the beginning to alternate perspectives. I’m in the middle of the book now and it’s very difficult to tie everything together nicely. I think my plot is a bit weak, but I do like the voices of my characters better. I keep reminding myself that this is a first draft and I’d really just like to get the damn idea down on paper before I beat myself up over how bad it is. Haha.

Back to the Unchartered Magazine contest that I entered. I did not win any mentions or prizes in the contest, sadly. I think that really killed my motivation at the end of the year. Rejection normal and frequent, but it still hurts. I did receive written feedback from the judge that had some helpful points and not so helpful points. It’s important to take feedback that resonates and makes sense with you as the author and discard the rest. So I will take what I think was useful from that experience and go back to edit The Tower chapter that I submitted. The feedback that I’ll use for that chapter also applies to the entire book as well. A sixth-round revision is on the horizon.

Favorite Reads

I didn’t read many new books this past quarter. I re-read the first three Throne of Glass books, and although I really enjoy those books enough to reread, I want this section to serve books that I have not read previously. The third new book that I read this quarter, House of Earth & Blood, is not a favorite book of mine. So it’s just the following 2 books that made the threshold this quarter.

Next

Laying out my goals for 2024 here, but of course my first priority is to finish the first draft of Nine Kingdoms. After that I need to complete editing The Red String of Fate and, if that’s not enough on my plate, I want to do another pass over The Tower with the feedback I received from the writing contest. We’ll see how productive this year is.

Back in November I joined the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers group in hopes of finding a critique group that I can meet up with locally. My ultimate goal is to find 1 or 2 other people with whom I can trust my work to in the future, aside from just Ellen. I reached out about joining a critique group and haven’t received much of a response. Just that the person who leads and organizes the critique group will hopefully get back to me. So far nothing and I’m thinking that this was not the best idea. It feels like a waste of $50…I thought that maybe now that the holidays are over they would be more responsive, but that is not the case. More to come, I guess?

Cheers!